I’m feeling passive-aggressive today
What better way to express it than through a blog, right?
Right. So here we go.
I’m engaged to the love of my life. We’re gonna be together forever and all that jazz. It’s true! We met in grade school, started officially dating in high school, and we’ve been engaged since December 17, 2011. We’re getting married on April 5, 2014.
I am a very busy girl, working two jobs and going to school full time. My circle of friends is pretty much just within the department in which I study. In fact, I only recently started to really feel like I’m part of the group… Like I belong. It’s a nice feeling!
The thing is, I happen to value the friendships I make, including those I develop with men.
Let’s take a step back.
The individuals in this close circle of friends know I’m engaged to the love of my life, and they also know I’m a flirt. I flirt with people I know, because I’m comfortable around them and I’m playful. My fiance also knows I’m a flirt. He’s known for quite some time, and he accepts that, because we are awesome together. Everyone has their quirks.
The difference between me and the typical flirt is that I am also loyal. I do have boundaries, and it’s always my fiance’s arms that I go home to. He’s the one I say “I love you” to. He’s the one I’m marrying, and he’s the one I want to spend my life with.
But, I’m still only human. I have hormones and emotions and my mind wanders and I am subject to the magnetic nature of physical and emotional attraction. Once in a great, great while, I develop a crush. However, the crush won’t ever turn into a romantic relationship, because I have that already and I’m perfectly happy. But it does have the potential to turn into a very close friendship.
I’ve been burned here before in a way, and I’m getting my heart fried again.
I recently began developing this friendship with someone, and it has put me on cloud 9. We have many of the same interests and ideals, he’s very handsome, intelligent, funny and he’s an all-around good guy. See? I’m gushing already. He’s a gentleman, he’s handy… Ugh. And here’s where it all gets complicated.
I got fairly comfortable, while still working to develop this friendship that happens to make me very happy.
Last night, I was at a baseball game taking photos, and he was there as well. We both used to play the sport (well, I played softball anyway) and we both really miss it. My fiance on the other hand, never was terribly athletic or enjoyed sports, and he isn’t a fan of the way I play catch (I was an outfielder, and I have quite an arm).
So… With the few friends I have and a fiance that doesn’t like to play catch, my options are fairly limited if I ever wanna toss a ball around.
What is the logical thing to do here?
I thought it would be logical to ask this friend of mine to play catch with me sometime. I like it, he likes it, neither of us get to play anymore… It just makes sense, right?
He responds with something along these lines:
“I would throw with you, but it just doesn’t seem right. You just don’t play catch with another guy’s fiancee.”
Um… Am I missing something? It’s a game of catch, not a make-out party.
So… I asked him to explain his reasoning to which he replied that I wouldn’t understand, and it just wouldn’t be right, etc.
So, I got defensive, and a bit angry. I was hurt.
He told me to ask my fiance and I blurted out, “I will!”
I just wanted him to explain why it was so taboo to play a game of catch with a friend. I wanted him to back up his claims. Is that really so unreasonable?
Tears were starting to sting my eyes, and he told me not to be angry at him. I shrugged, stood there for a moment, grabbed my stuff and left. I couldn’t even stand to finish photographing the game.
I drove myself home with tears in my eyes (I know, tragic, right?) and walked into my apartment and dropped my jacket and bags on the floor.
My fiance was home from work and asked what was wrong, but at that moment, I just didn’t want to talk. I sought out a much needed drink, and into the shower I went. Like the knight in shining armor he is, my fiance came to comfort me. When I started to bawl, he asked if he did (or didn’t) do something, and when I said no, he asked if someone had hurt me. I nodded and cried hysterically, out of humiliation, sadness, anger… All of the above, I guess.
I cried in his arms and finally explained the situation.
He said he can understand why my friend might say such a thing, but he doesn’t have a problem with us playing catch.
Why would he, anyway?
It’s so stupid!
Heaven forbid I have a close friend that happens to have a penis.
Oh, no… Playing catch might lead to… What? An orgy? Not likely.
I’m just so hurt.
I’m finally happy, enjoying the fun and peace that friendship brings, and BAM! Torched.
Maybe it’ll all blow over later today. I don’t know. Maybe next week. Maybe never.
I’m just tired of getting burned.